In The Beginning God Created Maps

"IN THE BEGINNING GOD CREATED MAPS"

Witness Two: Stephen Spargo

Witness testimony begins on page 684 and Slobo's cross on 731
http://www.un.org/icty/transe54/020220IT.htm

Watson: After the first witness's cringe making fiasco I'm sure the prosecution really made sure that witness two would be dynamite.

Holmes: You would have assumed as much.

Watson: So who did the prosecution call? Perhaps a TV reporter who filmed the evil foaming Serbs ( Copyright reserved ) eating babies for lunch?

Holmes: Nope. Not even close

Watson: Or perhaps a harrowing tale by a convincing witness who spoke of the blood soaked Serbs ordering the heroic Kosovo Albanians to watch reruns of "TJ Hooker" ?

Holmes: Nicht

Watson: So who did the prosecution call?

Holmes: A cartologist from down under

Watson: Sorry?

Holmes: He's an Aussie policeman and he can spot a map at 50 paces. A 100 in good weather

Watson: I don't understand

Holmes: Well he talked of the maps that the ICTY will use to show the routes the witnesses took.

Watson: And?

Holmes: That's it.

Watson: I don't believe you for the BBC proudly proclaimed "the tribunal did hear from Stephen Spargo, the prosecution's intelligence analyst". That sounds to me like Slobo was in for a thoroughly good thrashing.........( stares admonishingly in the direction of Slobo ).........Grrrrrrrr!

Holmes: Don't take my word for it. Read and be astonished

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( page 679 )

Mr. Ryneveld: This witness has produced maps, computer-generated maps, based on the information of the statements by the
witnesses, to assist the Court that, when the witnesses testify, that they will be able to see the routes taken by these refugees to the various border points........ It was a colour map with different coloured routes........he created these maps.

)

Watson: ( Looks astonished )

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( 685 )

Question: As part of your overall duties with the ICTY and this investigation, were you tasked at some point with analysing the various statements of individuals from the Kosovo investigation and creating maps with respect to the routes that they allegedly took?

Witness: That is correct.

)

Watson: ( Looks bewildered )

(

Witness: The maps were created using a computerised programme called ArcView, which is a geographical information system. It allowed us to electronically plot lines on an electronic map of Kosovo.

)

Watson: That's it?

Holmes: Yup

Watson: I don't believe you, you liar. You're in the pay of that rascal and ne'er do well, Mr Slobo. Admit it.

Holmes: Read on and be flummuxed

(

( 686 )

Question: Now, Witness, what has been tendered as Exhibit 1, is that a Times Atlas map of the Balkans?

Witness: It is.

Question: And perhaps you could point out to us where is Kosovo on this map and trace it with a pointer, if you have it.

Witness: Kosovo is located here.

Question: And you're now tracing Kosovo on the right-hand bottom of the screen that's on the camera. Ah. Thank you. All right.

Witness: Albanian border, Macedonian border, the border with Serbia proper, and the Montenegrin border.

Question: Thank you.

)

Watson: ( Looks flummuxed ) I can't take it anymore. Stop.

Holmes: To put you out of your misery, the witness - by demonstrating an unequalled prowess with maps - showed that Kosovo is a "multicoloured diagram" ( 686 ): described that the maps the ICTY were to use "was created using the commercial software of ArcView" ( 687 ): that "the thick grey line is the municipality boundary" ( 691 ): and when........

Watson: No more!! STOP!!

Holmes: ........and when asked what a purple-blue mark meant he replied it was "a body of water" ( 692 ): and when asked........

Watson: ( slashes wrists )

Holmes: ........and when asked "Are the red lines -- perhaps you could tell us: The red lines, are those roadways ?", he answers in the affirmative, "Yes " ( 702 )

Watson: ( Cuts off head )

Holmes: So that's it. Page after page of fascinating information on colours, shapes and a lot more that can be found on maps

Watson: What on earth does this have with war crimes charges?

Holmes: Bugger all ducky, bugger all.

Watson: This is similar to the person who fills the ICTY coffee machine testifying as to the brand of tea they use.

Holmes: Yup

Watson: Or the ICTY cleaner explaining why they use a certain detergent.

Holmes: You're wise beyond your years

Watson: It's pathetic

Holmes: Yup. Slobo wins one copy of Clinton's autobiography "My Life": The ICTY? They win two copies of Clinton's autobiography "My Life".

Holmes and Watson: Arf